Appreciate the Gift

This morning, my heart is full of heaviness. What I need to say, in this blog post, I feel compelled to write. As I start off my day, I remember all the dreams that I once had as  a young girl. I dreamed of being a wife and a mother. I dreamed of the little patter of little feet running through the house. I dreamed of butterfly kisses, and big hugs. And how I longed for all those moments, plus more.

After all the years of having those dreams shattered by the reality of Traviss and my situation, I feel my body and mind giving up those dreams that filled my heart with joy. I am losing hope that Travis and I will have our own biological children. And now, I realize that I may never know the feeling of feeling a child grow inside me, and may never know what it feels like to bring a child into this world. My soul is racked with sadness that I may never know these things for myself. And so despite my heartbreak, today I feel that I need to write a message for the women who have the blessing of experiencing having a child.

Appreciate the gifts that your children are. Hold them close. As you hold them, you can probably feel their heart beating. As you listen to the beat of their heart, look back to the day as you sat in the Dr's office and you heard that sound for the first time. You probably were so joyful and your heart was full of happiness when you heard that. Remember the first time you felt them move inside of you. Remember the little kicks. Remember how they almost squeezed your guts to the point of discomfort. You probably were ready for them to be born by the time it was nine months. Now think back to the day when they are born. Remember holding them for the first time. Was your heart overfull of joy, did you cry with complete and utter happiness? Hold on to that moment. Let it sink in. Try to feel the feelings of that day again.

Now, while you hold onto that feeling, I'm going to transport you to another moment. You are in a Dr's office. You are sitting down with your husband beside you in a room with a white wall and pictures of landscapes hanging on the wall. Suddenly the door opens and the Dr comes in and sits down in front of you and your husband. His head is low as he explains that you both can never have children of  your own. What are you feeling? I'm sure that is only half the feelings that women who are like me feel. I can guarantee it.

I want you to know that I'm not bitter toward the woman who can have children. I am grateful that you have that ability. My plea to you today is to  just appreciate the gift that has been given to you, divinely by God. Remember as you hold your children close, that there is a woman out there who will never have that opportunity.

Thanks for reading,
Natalie