This new song by Katy Perry, is absolutely amazing. For those of you who don't know this, I love the music of Katy Perry. She is so talented, and can actually sing. This song is exactly how I feel about my birth mom Jenny. She can throw her sticks and stones at me, but she will never break my soul.
For those of my readers who don't know, I'm adopted. My parents Lynn and Kathie are my adoptive parents, and I really wish that I could be their biological child, and now after everything that has happened I really feel closer to and have a deep respect for, them than I have ever felt before.
In my previous blog posts I mentioned that I had found my birthparents and that I was starting a relationship with my birthmom Jenny, her husband Hector, and my three fully biological siblings Austyn, Dakota,Sierra, and my half sibling Tino. Well, around four months ago, something happened that changed my view of her and her husband forever. This is the first time I have actually come public about this, and so it's kinda hard to write, but I will write it in two parts just for the added effect...no just kidding about the added effect. It really would add effect, but my story is too long for one blog post. As if that hasn't stopped me before right? But this time, I will be writing this in two parts.
It all began with a phone call late at night. Travis and I were in the middle of watching an episode of Mythbusters when I received this phone call. It was a Monday night around 10:30 pm. It was my brother Austyn who I hadn't talked to for a long time. Immediately when I saw who it was I answered. ( For those of you who know me very well, I don't usually answer my phone if I am in the middle of something, in fact I hardly answer my phone at all.) Well after I had said hello, I could hear Austyn, it sounded like he was crying and I could barely make out what he was saying, "Can you pick me up and take me to school tomorrow? I never want that man to touch me again!" After he said this, I tried to ask what had happened and I couldn't understand him so he put Dakota on the phone. I asked Dakota what had happened and Dakota answered: "Well Austyn sluffed school and Hector found out (personally I think this was Jenny too) and got really mad at Austyn." I can see why he would be upset, it's not a good thing when your child (well Austyn technically isn't Hectors child) does something like that. But it is nothing to get so upset over that you hit a child. Especially when they are already having a hard time in school. And after I heard that of course I flew out of bed and started to get dressed. I asked Dakota to put Austyn back on the phone. When I heard that Austyn was on the other end, I told him to pack some clothes, and his hygiene items, and I would come and pick him up so he could come stay with us for the night.
He calmed down a little bit, and whispered "Don't come by the house. Meet me at the park. I don't want them (I'm assuming he meant Jenny too) to know. I just need to get out of here."
"I'll be there in ten minutes."I replied to him as I started to get dressed into some clothes other than pajamas. I love you Austyn.
"Love you too Natalie, thanks." was his reply. Then I hung up the phone. I told Travis what was going on as I was on a mad rush to throw on my clothes, and get over there as fast as possible. Travis started to get dressed to, and a minute later I saw that I was getting another phone call from Austyn.
I answered and said, "Hi Austyn, I'll be there soon."
The voice that replied back was that of Jenny my birth mom.
"Don't worry about picking him up Natalie, I will take him to school tomorrow. Thanks though."
And the phone hung up.
Well, I started to get undressed, and I really felt uneasy.
"Who was that?" asked Travis.
"It was Jenny," I replied "she said that she would take Austyn to school tomorrow and that I don't need to pick him up."
To tell you the truth I knew that something was wrong deep down inside, but I was too stupid to admit it. It's not like I wasn't worried about Austyn. I was deeply worried about Austyn. I thought it would be nice for him to come over to our house and get away from whatever he was going through, but since I am not his mother I can't make those decisions for him. And throughout the rest of the night I was deeply concerned about him, but I trusted Jenny, I trusted that she would take good care of him, and I never expected what happened next.
The next day dawned the way it usually does, we got up, Travis got ready for work, and I made him breakfast ( I usually make his lunch too, but that day I was going to take it to him.). Travis went to work, and I did what I usually do, sit around the house and do housewife stuff ( this day I didn't do much of housework.) Well, when I took Travis's lunch to him, I got a text from Jenny that looked like a mass text that she had sent to everyone in her phone. It sorta went like this:
"Dear family and friends,
Austyn will be going away for a while because he is a very sick boy. Please keep him in your prayers.
Love Jenny"
It said more, but since that text was deleted when I got a new phone and a new phone number, I can only paraphrase it. But when I saw that, I was more than a little shocked. She had told me, and I had trusted that she would take him to school. I never thought that she would do something like that. But the truth had come out, and she decided to tell the whole world. I showed the text to Travis and to Stephanie (Travis's co-worker and a family friend of ours). They were shocked to. I told Stephanie what had happened the night before and she agreed with me that it was a little weird. Later I found out that she had taken him to the mental health unit at the hospital. I found this out the day that I almost cut my finger off (that same week) making Travis his lunch for work. I got stitches and was at Travis's work hanging out with him since he had spent his lunch break taking me to the hospital so I could get it fixed. I had decided to call Jenny and let her know what had happened and ask her if she could come pick me up so we could hang out. Well when I called and told her, she sounded like she was worried, but in reality I don't think she was. After all she had her mother (who had just had surgery) over and then she told me that Austyn was at the hospital.Not only that but she told me she had called his school and told them about it, and his friends too. She was also transferring him to a different school. Well I was more than a little ticked after I got off the phone with her.
I told Travis and Stephanie what she had said, and Stephanie flew into action telling me what I needed to do.
"What she is doing to your brother is awful." she told me and I completely agreed with her. What Jenny was doing was ruining his life. And all because Hector had flew off the handle because Austyn had sluffed school one day. (who knows what else is going on that house that would make Austyn do that...) To me it she had chosen her husband over her own son and blood.
That started a thought in my head, once had been thought rolled down the mountain and started picking up on other things. Everything about our whole relationship started to go off in my head. I started to think about the way she had treated me, both the good and bad things and the war in my head started. At first I was thinking to myself, "Well she would never do that to me, I could never believe that she would do that to me."
Then as the ball of thoughts started remembering, I realized that she would do that to me, and that she had done that to me. I remembered that every time I went over to her house to visit her, or any time I spent with her (there are a few exceptions and I tried to let those exceptions rule my decision) I was never happy when I got home. In fact that last few times, I had come home completely miserable. It was because she always railed on me about my faults, and after a while I had broken down to the point that I believed everything she told me about who she thought I was (even though she hardly even knew me. She had only known me a year!).
After all these came up and I realized that she was not healthy for my self esteem, I realized at that point that I didn't want her in my life. I was done. So I made up my mind that I wouldn't text her or call her and stop the communication forever. I knew that this would also entail that I would never see my siblings again, and I hesitated because of this fact. But I hated watching what she was doing to them, and I knew that maybe someday that my siblings could come and find me.
So I didn't call her or text her for the next couple of weeks after that moment of decision and hadn't heard from her either and was completely at ease when the bomb went off. And that bomb is called Thanksgiving.
But that story is for another blog post which I will post in a few days.
Anyways, thanks for reading
Natalie
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