Love

The sun is just rising over the mountains, as I make my way to work. Now that Travis does not work with me anymore, I have the opportunity to think to myself as I drive myself to work. Lately work has not been very busy, and I have a lot of time to think and ponder about the many situations that Travis and I have found ourselves in, and not by our own doing.

There are many bills that need to be paid, medical issues, things that need to be fixed around the house, and of course the empty bedroom next to ours. I have been going through so many of the blog posts that I have written throughout the years, and I find that it seems as though I have been very spiteful about the situation that Travis and I find ourselves in.

I would be lying if I didn't say I wasn't bitter. And I would be lying if I didn't admit to myself that I have blamed my Heavenly Father and have been very upset at him. And I admit that I have been very angry that I have never been able to be pregnant.

But as I am driving to work, I realize that all this hate that I am holding inside of me, isn't doing any good.  I ponder it further, and I realize just what I'm doing to myself. I realize that all this hate will not get me anywhere. I realize that this hate, this anger that I feel because I can't conceive to be holding me back even more. There have been many studies done, where two plants have been placed in different rooms. One plant receives loving comments, while the other plant receives hateful comments. And always after the study is done, the plant that survives is the one that has had love.

Hating, bitterness and anger will not get me anywhere. How can a child even survive in an environment like that?

I admit that I have been working on removing the hate, and letting love in. I now realize for myself that I am a child of a God who does love me, who does know me and who knows and understands what I go through. I just need to let his love heal me. I know that he is there. I have felt comfort and peace as I have struggled. I felt his love through my family and friends. And I am grateful for this.

I admit that I am not perfect yet. Sometimes it is easier to feel angry and bitter. But it's always better to let love rule my life. And in the end, because I allow love to rule my life, the room next to ours will not be empty anymore.

Thanks for reading.