Halloween

Yesterday was a day of excitement for children all over the USA. Its a day where they go to strangers houses and get free candy. Most of us remember dressing up as kids and excitingly going to our neighbors houses and getting stashes of candy. We all had that one house that handed out the king size candy bars and that made us pretty excited. And who can forget, when we would come home and our parents would take the candy away and reward us with one piece at a time so we wouldn't get sick. Yep. Its hard to forget those wonderfull childish memories.

Which left me surprised when my husband said that he didn't like Halloween in our second year of marriage. I asked him if he dressed up as a kid and loved it, and he said yes. But something had changed and I just couldn't figure it out.The year we first got married, he was all excited to dress up and scare people with the makeup that I put on him that made him a sith lord. But after that first Halloween, he refused to buy candy and wanted to turn out all the lights in the house and just watch movies. This lead me to question why? So when I asked him, I got this answer: "My dad didn't use to care for it, and neither do I." And for years I believed him, until last night when something dawned on me that broke my heart.

We were coming home from Costco after getting our stash of supplies for our murder mystery party tonight. As we were driving we saw the trick or treaters in their cute costumes and thenI felt a gentle whispering of the spirit to ask my husband a certain question. In my heart I already knew the answer, and it was heart wrenching that I didn't discover this earlier. I turned to him and asked the question: "Travis, is the reason you don't like Halloween because it is hard on you to see the little ones dressed up because there is a chance that we might not have one?" For a brief moment he was silent and then he answered yes. I had never realized that my husband experiences this pain at Halloween and had been so selfish to think that I was the only one who had a hard time with it.

Last night I realized that in his own way, Travis handles and deals with pain. I think he never openly talked about it with me because he doesn't want to overload me with his pain too. But the experience last night touched my heart and from now on I'll make a commitment to do everything that I have power to do to make sure that he never has to experience another Halloween without either an answer, or a baby on the way. And that no matter what happens, I will be there for him to help his pain. Last night what we did to take that pain away was play Star Wars The Old Republic, and seeing his smile warmed my heart. This is a trial that we both go through and we both live through every day. We are so grateful you have the love and support we do.Thanks for reading. Much love.