The day before Christmas...

It's five thirty in the morning, and I drag my feet out of bed as I get ready for work. "Darn work for making us all come in at 7 am in the morning". I think to myself as I continue to drag myself to the cold freezing bathroom to begin getting ready for the day. "At lease I get off at 1 pm." I think as I apply makeup to my sleep ridden face. "And at least tomorrow is Christmas, and I can sleep in because we don't have any kids yet." And then it hits me. I am five days late. Next Christmas we might have our first child.

For a moment I can't breathe. All I can think about is this moment, not knowing if I am expecting or not. I have to shake the thought away from my mind. It's too good to be true. It's too good to be true. After all I did take a pregnancy test three days ago (mind you it was one from the dollar store) and it came back negative. Knowing my tract record, having a late period is nothing, especially since my period can really be weird most times.  I have to wipe the moment away as I continue to get ready for my day. "I can't think about this now, or I will burst." So I continue to get ready without trying to stress to much over my late period. After I'm all done, I make my shake for breakfast and hurry and get to work. I kiss Travis goodbye before I walk out the door (he is dragging himself out of bed at 6:30 am himself, and he doesn't look very happy about it.)

The drive to work is peaceful as I listen to Christmas music and the traffic is not as heavy as it usually is. When I get into work, one of my co-workers has made breakfast for us all (she is so sweet) and I get some of her apple pie oatmeal (which is fabulous).

Now it's 8:24 am and I have been at work a total of an hour and twenty four minutes. The que is not very busy at all despite my thoughts last week. I really thought that the day before Christmas EVERYONE would be calling in to see if their results would be available. Again, I see that I'm wrong...Again.

Now I can focus on the thoughts that keep swimming around in my head.

Tomorrow is not only Christmas, but the day that will shape my entire life.

Today I will be getting another pregnancy test ( a lot better one) and I will be taking it tomorrow.

But the most important thing...

Tomorrow we celebrate the greatest miracle that ever took place on this earth.
Over two thousand years ago, a little baby was born to a virgin mother in a stable, a new star arose in the heavens, and the heavens sang in great celebration. He wasn't born in a fancy hotel, and his earthly parents were not rich by any means. He was with animals the first moments of his life, and shepherds are the first ones to come and worship him. Kings would later find him and worship him as well. But even with this, he was the greatest gift to the world. This little baby would grow up and save the world through shedding his own blood because he loves us all. He LOVES us all.
He was not loved by all, and most rejected his teachings.And yet he still loved them to shed his own blood for their sins and for all of our sins.

I share with you all today, the day before we celebrate him, and his UNPARALLELED love, that I know that he he LIVED, and that he still LIVES. I know with all my heart and soul that the story of his birth is true, and that he did suffer for our sins, so that we could someday all be together as families and dwell with him and his Father above, as long as we strive to become like he was, how he is and repent of when we do things wrong.

Because of him and his gift, I have my Travis forever. And if we are not able to have our own kids in this earthly life, I KNOW that we will have them someday, as long as we keep the covenants that we made to the Lord in the Temple.

I love my Savior for giving me this hope, and I love him for giving of himself for me. I know that he feels my pain, and that he does know what Travis and I are going through. Even though sometimes I feel that I am alone in this matter, HE is always there, giving me the constant hope that Travis and I will hold our child in our arms.
No matter what happens tomorrow, I will still celebrate the miracle that was given to the earth over 2000 years ago, and that miracle is Jesus THE Christ.
Thanks for reading.